


You and I remember Budapest very differently

by Hawkeye_girl



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Clint Barton Feels, Clint Barton Needs a Hug, Clint and Laura Barton's Family, Deaf Clint Barton, F/M, Humor, I'm Bad At Tagging, Kid Natasha Romanov, Manipulative Nick Fury, Nick Fury Lies, Please Don't Kill Me, Protective Clint Barton, Protective Nick Fury, that's my first fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-07-01 11:31:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15773247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hawkeye_girl/pseuds/Hawkeye_girl
Summary: Pre-Avengers movieAgent Clint Barton has a mission: kill the Black Widow.He makes a different call





	1. The mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, this is my very first fanfic so I really don't know if you're going to enjoy it or if this work is a piece of crap. So pleaaase, leave a comment to tell me your thougts about this story, so that it can be improved.  
> Love you, guys !!!  
> Hawkeye_girl

Nick Fury sighed. He opened the file in front of him. Again. And closed it. Again. This was by far one of the hardest choice he ever had to make. He had to give this mission to someone. And he knew very well that there was only one person in the entire SHIELD organisation who could do this job. There was only one problem: Clint Barton just got married and even though the guy was one of the best, Nick wasn’t sure if Hawkeye would make it. He could never be sure. This was part of the job of being a superspy.

Nick Fury could be seen as a tough guy but he wasn’t cruel. He knew that agent Barton needed time with his wife. The bowman had even considered retiring after his wedding ! Fortunately, his wife had convinced him not to do so.

Anyway, the director of the SHIELD knew that they had to stop this “Black Widow”, as the journalists called her. Not later than yesterday, a whole train, full of SHIELD agents, had exploded, all because of that red-headed girl.

Fury hardened his heart. There was no other way. They had to stop the threat.  
\- Hill, call agent Barton.


	2. I love you

\- Alright… Yes… Of course… I understand… Thanks Hill.

Clint sighed while putting his phone back inside his pocket. Now, he had to tell Laura. The archer bit his lips. He knew his wife was one of the strongest women he had ever met but still… He didn’t like the idea of leaving her alone, just a few days after their wedding…

\- Let me guess, SHIELD is sending you on a mission ?

Clint turned around. He hadn’t heard his wife coming. Even though there was a hint of sadness in her voice, she looked resigned and determined to hear whatever her husband had to tell her.

\- You know this woman everybody is talking about on the news ? The one who destroyed that train yesterday ? SHIELD wants me to take her down.

Laura stepped forward to get closer to her husband as she said, half kidding, half seriously:  
I still have a hard time believing that you are a superspy… I can’t picture you...actually killing people. That’s not the Clint Barton I know. Even though that’s the Clint Barton I married.

The agent smiled slightly. He was aware that Laura knew he had killed people. But he also knew that his wife loved him as he was and that she would always support him, no matter how messed up he was. The archer had nightmares almost every night about the people he had killed… 

“Murderer” whispered the little voice in his head.

Clint shook his head.

\- I have to go, he said, sadly. I will come back soon.

\- If you don’t, I’ll kill you myself, chuckled his wife, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him.

\- Yes madam, he answered, mimicking a soldier salute.

\- I love you Clint, whispered Laura once her husband left the room. Please, come back...


	3. How old is she ?

Clint didn’t waste time to get to the SHIELD headquarters. Therefore, he arrived a quarter of an hour early for his appointment with Nick. So he took this time to think a bit. He didn’t really know what his target looked like, except that she had red hair. Indeed, the footages the TV showed were from civilians and they were really bad quality. This was going to be a real difficulty for the agent, who was always relying on his exceptional eyes for all of his missions.

“Your missions ? You mean your executions !” whispered the little voice.

\- Shut up! he yelled

\- Did you just tell me to “shut up”, agent Barton ?

Shit…

\- Sorry, director. I was...lost in my thoughts…

Fury’s eye softened a bit.

\- Come into my office.

Clint followed his chief, obediently, and sat on the chair facing the desk, while Fury remained on a standing position.

\- So… started the director, breaking the silence. Hill told you about your mission. Here, you have to kill this person.

Nick Fury gave a set of photos to Clint.

\- Those pictures have been taken by agent Smith. Unfortunately, he got caught, but he still managed to send us this file. This is your target, agent.

But Clint couldn’t focus on the director’s words. He was staring at the pictures, his face paler and paler.

\- How old is she ? he asked, his voice shaking.

\- Well, we are not really sure, this kind of information is kept secr…

\- HOW OLD IS SHE ? yelled Clint.

\- Sixteen, maybe seventeen… answered calmly Fury.

\- SHE IS A CHILD ! exploded Clint. I can’t… I can’t kill a child…

“You have done far worse…” sang the voice again, making Clint wince.

\- She killed dozens and dozens of people. She is a threat, stated Fury.

\- I can’t…

\- Are you refusing a mission, agent ?

Clint opened his mouth and was about to reply, when Hill entered the room.

\- Sir, she said, there has been another attack.

\- What happened ? asked both of the men at the same time.

\- You remember agent Smith ?

\- The one who sent the pictures of the Black Widow ?

\- Yes… The police found his wife dead this morning. She has been stabbed to death. There was only a note left: “This what happens to those who get in our way. The Black Widow will hunt down all of you”.

It seemed now that Clint couldn’t be even paler. What if it had been Laura ? What if Laura had been stabbed to death by this girl ?

\- I accept the mission, blurt out Clint.

He couldn’t let innocent people die. He had to do something.

\- Well then, agent Johnson will lead you to Russia, where we know their secret base is.

\- If we know where it is, it’s not really a secret then, right ? chuckled Clint.

\- Apparently, they don’t seem to fear us, because they haven’t moved since Smith managed to get into their base.

\- Big mistake, stated Clint. Or they really are more powerful than we think.

\- That’s what you will discover. You can leave now, Barton, said Fury.

Once he had left the room, Nick turned to face Hill.

\- Thank you, he told her. He would never have accepted this mission if we hadn’t told him this lie about Smith’s wife.

He really loves his wife. I hope he will come back, simply answered Hill.

\- Me too, Hill… Me too…


	4. Murderer

Clint had been on the plane for a few hours now. He couldn’t look away from the pictures. All he could see was a teenager. This girl shouldn’t be a weapon. This girl should have a decent life. This girl didn’t deserve to die so young.  
“Because the others deserved to die ?” This voice. Again. Never stopping…  
“Yes. They did” mentally replied the archer.  
Clint pressed his palms on his eyes. He had to stay focused. He had to eliminate the threat. He had to protect people.  
“You can’t save everyone, Clint”  
It was Laura’s voice this time. She had told him that after one of Clint’s mission had gone particularly wrong and a lot of agents had been killed. Barton hadn’t been able to do anything to stop it.  
“I’m so messed up” he thought.  
A voice came from the front of the plane.

\- We are all messed up in this job, dude...

Wait… He hadn’t said that out loud, right ? Right ?  
Agent Johnson spoke again:

\- You know… This job is the best one to know what it’s like to be alive… What it means to be alive… To be truly alive while everybody around you is dying.

Everyone...dying… Laura… No, not Laura, thought Clint. Never. Focus.

\- When will we arrive ? asked Clint to break the growing silence on the plane.

\- We will land in a couple of hours. I will leave you in Moscow, where you will act as a tourist until Alexandrov, our russian contact, gives you more instructions. You will meet him at this bar, said Johnson, handing Hawkeye a picture. Alexandrov will have a red scarf and a black hat. As a password, you will ask him if he likes the country and he will answer you that it’s still better than when he was in India.

\- Ok, just answered Clint. Thanks.

\- Oh, and you should rest when you still can, added the pilot.

Barton nodded. Johnson was right. He should sleep. But he knew what would happen if he did so. Nightmares.  
However, he could still close his eyes and relax a bit, without actually sleeping. Just a moment…

 

The room was dark. There was blood on the walls, on the floor, on his hands. And there he was, in the staircase. A little boy, about seven years old, was staring at him. His eyes were filled with fear, horror and disgust.

\- What happened to Mommy and Daddy ?

\- Listen to me, little boy, he tried to say, quietly. But when he reached for the child, he ran back, away from the bloody hands.

\- You killed my parents ! You killed them ! Murderer !

“Murderer” “Murderer” “Murderer”  
Again. And again. And again. And the screams of his victims. There is blood everywhere. He is drowning in the blood of his victims…

\- Wake up ! Dude, wake up !

Clint jumped awake. He was sweating and his throat was hurting like he had screamed.

\- You okay, man ? asked Johnson, looking really concerned.

\- Yeah, yeah… Don’t worry, it was just… It was just a nightmare… It’s nothing.

\- Didn’t sound like it was nothing… replied the pilot. You’re sure you can do this job ?

\- Well, I’m the best that SHIELD have apparently, said the bowman, trying to joke. How screwed do you think we are, then ?

Joke. Don’t let people really see how you are. Don’t let them see you are weak.  
Johnson still didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t push further. Clint was thankful for that.

\- We are in Russia now, agent Barton. I’m leaving you here. My job is over, it’s your turn now.


	5. Something wrong

Once he was in town, Clint easily spotted the bar. Hey, he wasn’t called Hawkeye for nothing ! He entered the building and noticed a man who matched the description Johnson had given to him. He got closer and asked:

\- Hey, how do you find the weather ?

The man growled before answering with a thick russian accent:

\- Seriously, what is it with you Americans and your passwords ? Always trying to keep control on everything… Even on things you can’t control, just like this Black Widow !

\- I need the password, simply asked Clint, as patiently as he could. Or I won’t trust you.

\- Fine...sighed Alexandrov. It’s still better than when I was in India… You’re happy now ?

“This is gonna be fun…” thought the American agent.

\- So, you have my stuff, I presume ? he asked to change the subject.

\- Yes, SHIELD sent it. It’s in my car, answered the Russian man. You really fight with a bow and arrows ? he laughed. You know that this isn’t Middle-Ages anymore, right ?

\- And you, you know that there is a serial-killer out there that I have to kill and who’s probably murdering hundreds of people while we are here, nicely chatting about weapons ? asked Barton through gritted teeth.

\- I was just asking, said Alexandrov defensively, but the archer could still see a sparkle of amusement in his colleague’s eye…

\- Shall we ? asked the Russian

 

Within a few hours, the two agents were both out of town. Alexandrov was driving fast through the forest. None of them were speaking and the tension inside the car was at its climax...

Eventually, they stopped in the middle of nowhere. Alexandrov took a map and showed it to the bowman.

\- We are here, the base is there, he explained, pointing at the map. From where we are, you just have to head north for five miles. You can’t miss it !

In a quick movement, Clint got out of the car. He opened the trunk and took the case that was in it. There was the SHIELD logo on it.

\- Well, then… See you soon, man, declared the Russian spy. Or not. Tell me if you’re still alive at the end of the day ! With your precious bow and arrow !

While the car got away, Clint took a moment to think. Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong but he couldn’t put his finger on it…

But there wasn’t time for being paranoid. So he grabbed the case and began to run. A few moments later, his eyes spotted the base. He walked slower and hid behind a bush. He quickly evaluated the situation. There were a few guards on the walls. Nothing that couldn’t be handled. He opened the SHIELD case.

His bow had been sabotaged… No one would have been able to see it. Except Hawkeye. The rope had been slightly cut. That’s when he understood what had felt so wrong… All the SHIELD cases were locked and could only be opened by the fingerprint of the agent who was meant to receive the case. Alexandrov couldn’t have known what was inside the case.

Except if he had opened it to sabotage the bow…

\- Put your hands up where I can see them, agent Barton, asked a familiar voice with a Russian accent.

Dammit...


	6. The eyes are the mirror of the soul

“The eyes are the mirror of the soul and reflect everything that seems to be hidden; and like a mirror, they also reflect the person looking into them.”

― Paulo Coelho

Clint had to admit that the situation looked really, really bad. After he had raised his hands, Alexandrov had knocked him unconscious.

The bowman was now awake but he had no idea where he was because of the blindfold over his eyes. Furthermore, they had taken the archer’s hearing aids. Nothing could go more wrongly… He had to trust his other senses. He could feel a draught and the room smelt like there was mold on the wall.

“Okay, thought the archer. I’m probably underground… Now, how do I get out of this mess ?”

But his thoughts were interrupted when someone roughly took of his blindfold. He blinked a few seconds because of the sudden light before he saw her.

A red-haired girl was standing right in front of him. The Black Widow. Now that he could see her for real, Clint could see how young and tiny she looked. But there was so much more to see if you looked right into her eyes. And what Clint saw truly surprised him. He was expecting… Well, he wasn’t sure about what he was expecting, but he surely hadn’t thought a second that the girl’s eyes could be filled with fear. Even more than fear.

Terror.

In the back of the room, another woman, in her mid-forties, was watching the scene. She was the complete opposite of the Black Widow. The younger girl was small and slim but she was easily noticeable by the strength she was emitting, while the other woman was tall and large but her personality seemed completely erased behind cold and dead eyes. She gestured toward the archer and the red-haired girl put his hearing aids back in place. The older woman came closer.

\- You really think you are a smart boy, agent Barton, don’t you ? she smiled. But you see, this time, you lost. So why don’t you tell us everything about SHIELD and its weaknesses so that we can spare you weeks of torture ?

Even her smile was empty of any emotion. She seemed like a robot. A cruel robot.

“Well, thought the bowman, if I’m gonna die, at least let’s have fun one more time !”

\- You should ask Mister Alexandrov, he told the lady. I’m sure he has plenty of information to tell you !

\- We both know that it’s not true, agent Barton. Agent Alexandrov doesn’t have the same level of information that you have. So, tell me everything. Or I unleash the beast…

Saying that, she pointed at the red-haired girl behind her.

\- Seriously ? asked Clint, disgusted. The “beast” ? She is just a child and you’re using her to fight your war ? You really have no morals…

\- Morals make you lose the war, mister Barton. Rules and morals are boundaries. And boundaries are made to be broken. And you will be broken by the time our Black Widow is done with you…

The young girl had slightly startled when the woman had mentioned his name but had quickly regained his composure. She took an small object on the table next to them and then, she moved forwards until she was close enough to touch the archer. She was holding a syringe, and Clint didn’t like at all the color of the liquid that was inside it, a mixture of brown and yellow.

\- This is a new invention from our laboratory, explained the lady, taking her time, enjoying the situation of power she had. It’s a serum that makes you see your worst nightmares. 

And at that moment, Clint Barton, one of the best SHIELD agents, who had seen horrors, who had been tortured countless times, became completely terrified. Physical wounds can heal. Psychological wounds never completely heal. And this form of torture...was psychological torture.  
The young girl pushed the syringe inside the archer’s arm. A few seconds later, he passed out, entering the dreaded world of his nightmares.


	7. Nightmares

Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil. -Aristotle

 

He was in a dark room. Everything was silent. He touched his ears to check on his hearing aids. They were working. Everything just seemed to have stopped.

He followed a long corridor until he arrived in another room. He knew that room. It was his bedroom. He was home. But why was it empty ? Where was Laura ? Why couldn’t he hear her or see her.

That’s when he noticed the smell. Blood.

He walked slowly, turning around the bed until he saw her. Laura. She was dead, her throat had been cut. And her eyes were staring at the archer, silently asking : “Why didn’t you save me ? Why did you failed ? Why did you let me die ?”

It was too much for him. He backed out, as fast as he could, but the door was gone, vanished. There was no way out.

\- Don’t worry… She didn’t suffer…

He turned and suddenly, he wasn’t alone anymore. There were two other women now. A red-haired girl, and an older lady. The elder woman had her hand on the young girl’s shoulder. But it didn’t look like a hand. It was a claw. She was holding the red-haired girl prisoner. He had to save her before she died just like Laura. Because she was going to die, he knew it, unless he did something.

But it seemed that he had frozen. He couldn’t move. He wanted to yell “Run !”, but his throat wouldn’t obey. Slowly, the woman pulled out a knife from nowhere. He closed his eyes. He couldn’t watch that. When he opened them again, the red-haired girl was dead too, laying next to Laura, with the same expression on her face. The woman had gone. He was alone.

 

\- You’re useless, agent Barton. Or should I say, mister Barton. You can no longer be a SHIELD agent. We have better ones who don’t fail every mission they do.

\- I… I don’t fail every mission, declared Clint, facing Fury. I had good results with almost all of my missions.

\- Other agents would have succeeded in those missions with far better results. You got a full team killed because of your incompetence !

\- When it happened, you told me that I had done everything for the best !

\- You did what you could, that’s for sure, and it isn’t much. You’re fired.

\- You can’t do that, said Clint, barely audible.

\- I can and I will. Oh, and by the way, you and Laura won’t beneficiate from the SHIELD protection from now on.

Everything went dark again...


	8. Reunion

\- Wake up ! Come on, wake up, agent Barton !

Barton slowly opened his eyes, blinking. There was   
a face in front of him but everything was blurry. He blinked again and saw who was standing in front of him. But that was impossible…

\- Agent Smith ? asked Clint, incredulously. You’re supposed to be dead ...?

The other man chuckled, unhappily.

\- Tell me,agent, how many times did you “die” during your missions ? When everybody thought you were dead while in fact you were just a prisoner ?

The archer simply nodded. When a SHIELD agent didn’t show up for two weeks, he was considered dead. The organisation couldn’t waste too much time on saving agents that were supposed to handle themselves.

\- Um... started the archer uncomfortably, without making eye contact. There is something I should tell you. Maybe they already told you...

He took a big inspiration, before revealing:

\- The Black Widow killed your wife… I’m sorry…

Smith frowned and opened his mouth:

\- I’m...not married, agent Barton, so I find it hard to believe that my… “wife” is dead…

\- What ?? But Fury… Oh right, I get it...growled the archer.

The other agent seemed to understand the situation too.

\- Let me guess… Just married ? And he tricked you to make you think your wife was in danger ? Well, that sounds like him, he stated, seeing the bowman nod.

There was a silence that was quickly cut by Barton.

\- Why did they keep you alive ?

The other man scratched his neck. He took a moment to think before answering:

\- They wanted informations on SHIELD. Just like you, I guess. You see, the problem now, is that we both have the same informations. Which means they can kill one of us easily, without losing the information source...

The archer gulped. It was true.

Smith noticed the change of the bowman’s attitude. He bit his lips and tried to change the subject.

\- So… What happened to you ? How did you get caught ?

Hawkeye rubbed his eyes. He was tired, hungry and still shaken up by the effects of the serum. He took a big inspiration and started:

\- I was sent to kill the Black Widow. My contact, Alexandrov, betrayed me and destroyed the rope of my bow… Then, he knocked me off, I woke up in a room and they… Well, I’ll let you guess what they did…

\- The serum ?

\- Yeah… You know it ?

\- Far too well...admitted Smith, staring at the wall, trying to avoid Barton’s sharp eyes.

Clint didn’t want to ask the other agent about his fears. And he didn’t want to be asked about them either. So he just faced the door and asked:

\- Have you already tried to get out of here ?

\- Yeah...sighed Smith. And believe me when I say I preferred the serum to what they did when they found me back… 

The agent was about to continue when the door opened. A red-haired girl was standing in front of them.


	9. It's him or you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry it's been a while since I posted a new chapter, so here you go ! Hope you'll enjoy it ! Tell me what you think about it, please, I could really use some advices...
> 
> Hawkeye_girl

Nelson Mandela:  
"May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears."

 

At the sight of the Black Widow, Smith quickly backed up as far as he could from the girl. 

“Well, this can’t be a good sign”, Clint thought.

But the assassin didn’t pay attention to Smith. Instead, she got closer to Barton and said, in perfect English:

\- You’re not scared of me. Not yet. It will come in due time.

It was the first time Barton heard her speaking. It should have been frightening, but she sounded more like she was reciting something. It wasn’t really scaring the archer, but in the background, a small whimper escaped Smith’s lips.

\- Miss Georgievna has requested to see you.

Barton heard a cry of despair behind him. Definitely not a good sign… The red-haired girl put a blinfold on hi eyes. Again. Then, she handcuffed him. The bowman could have fought back, but he was still weak and he was really curious about this teenager who was able to frighten one of the most powerful military organisation in the world. However, his curiosity quickly faded away when he became blind… Furthermore, the assassin took off his hearing aids again. It was a way to intimidate the agent and Barton knew it, still he didn’t feel so good about the idea of being so vulnerable again. Well, at least he didn’t have to listen to Smith’s cries anymore.

He felt the young girl pushing him forward and he began to walk. From time to time, a hand would tell him to go right or to go left. Eventually, he bumped into something. No. Someone.

A hand removed the blindfold and put his hearing aids back to their place. The archer blinked and saw the same woman he had met earlier. The same one from his vision… She started to speak ut the bowman couldn’t hear anything. So he just waited. When the woman stopped talking, Barton just shrugged.

“I can’t hear you” he said, even though he couldn’t hear his own voice. “I guess my hearing aids are out of power. I need new batteries if you want me to answer your questions because it’s really hard to do lips-reading…”

The woman replied something that Clint didn’t fully understand. However, he was sure about two words: “useless” and “kill”. He didn’t like it.

The woman took her gun and pointed it at the archer’s face.Barton stopped breathing. A picture of Laura appeared in his mind. He would never see her again. She would become a widow just after getting married. What kind of irony was that ?

So he waited, but the fire shot didn’t happen. The older woman was staring at him, and suddenly seemed to change her mind. She handed the gun to the red-haired girl with a sadistic smile on her face.

This time, the archer perfectly read on her lips.

“It’s him or you.”


End file.
